Permanent
by AlwaysSandcastles
Summary: <html><head></head>Robin and Barney discuss everything that they held back from each other for along time including her infertility, Ted's feelings for her and spending their lives with each other after getting engagement. This starts off with the memory of Barney's proposal and includes a moment of Robin walking down the aisle at their wedding.</html>
1. Talking About Everything

Hi, again readers I wanted to write something about Robin and only Robin. What her opinions and real feelings are regarding Barney. In This story B/R talk about things that were never said on the show between them including Ted and why she kept some secrets from him. I was going to make this a one shot but I think I will continue this.

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><p>I see you walking my way and I smile knowing that my life is about to become permanent. Permanent, that word was something I never liked because I liked to not think of being in only one place at one time. But, ever since he slipped that ring on my finger late last December on top of the World Wide News building, my favorite spot in the city. I don't know how he knew that was my favorite spot in the city, the one I go to to get away from the world and be alone for a while. Every once in a while I would go up to the roof when times got too hard for me to face I'd have a good cry and then talk myself into not worrying about whatever it was that I was thinking or worrying about. After finding out that Barney was going to propose to worse enemy Patrice she went up to the roof to cry and realize that maybe fighting for Barney was worth it even if that means being completely out of my head insane trying to stop him from proposing to Patrice.<p>

So, I went to that rooftop to stop the proposal I thought was for Patrice to find rose petals, candle lanterns, Christmas lights all around the top of the rooftops and a piece of paper with my name on it. Even though I love seeing my name on things I was mostly here to stop this supposed proposal and get Barney to want me when there is no one around. I was about to call out to see if anyone was up here when in the corner of my eye I see the man I came here to meet. I don't see Patrice anywhere in sight but I see a smug looking Barney standing to the left of me with a trench coat and what seems to be a new suit she has not seen on him yet with a new tie as well.

After the shock of seeing Barney the first thing I wanted to do was tell him that I wanted him back, that marrying Patrice was the wrong thing to do and that I love him. I still love the smug bastard but the things I wanted to say didn't come out the way it should have. I yelled at him while he smiled and stood there letting me yell for making me fall for his games again. But, then through the yells and tears he told me to read the back of the paper that has my name on it with the game he thinks he can win to see him down on his knee holding a box with this gorgeous diamond ring.

Everything in that moment was such a blur I didn't even know what happened until Barney's lips are on mine and I'm in his arms. But, after the shock and the tears subsided we had a good long talk about everything but inside because dammit it's freezing up here.

They took a cab back to Barneys place and talked until dawn. There was no sex, or kissing or anything else we just laid in bed holding each other after so long being apart and pining we just laid there talking about everything from the last two months when Barney first planned to propose and get me back for good to their relationship and everything that has happened since they broke up 5 years ago. It lead to them both being honest with each other and not leaving anything out or back from what's been on their minds for years.

"I just never stopped loving you. Even when we went back to being friends I was pretending I was okay, that everything was back to normal again. We were back to being best friends but I was lying to myself and to you. I know we've both been through a lot in recent years, we both been in other relationships but everything that has happened only brought me back to you." Barney was right, everything that has happened with them both individually, friendship wise and relationship wise had only made both of them realize that they still loved one another and want to be together.

"I was too, I told myself I didn't want to go there again with us because I felt like you didn't feel the same way. And, I was scared the if we tried again to be together because I couldn't put myself through another heartbreak of losing you again. I thought I would lose you when you were with Quinn, I was sad and I missed you so much but then you broke up with Quinn I began to wonder if you had any feelings for me. I know you put our box of stuff into the storage but I wasn't sure if you were serious enough to be in a relationship that's why you and Quinn didn't work out." This wasn't true, Barney didn't break up with Quinn because he didn't want to be with her he broke up with her because he simply couldn't trust her after everything she did to him before they dated.

"I broke it off with Quinn because I couldn't trust her enough to marry her. I need to have trust in someone and even love them to be with them for the long haul. I now know that I can trust you Robin, I've always trusted you, you have always been there for me even when I wasn't being there for you and you are my best friend. If I can't trust my best bro I can't trust anyone." He smiles at me and I smile back as we quickly kissed on the lips then parted briefly to continue our conversation.

"I can trust you too, I do trust you but I've always been more worried about you not being ready to be fully committed to me that's why I had my doubts." Barney knew Robin had her doubts about his commitment fears, she has commitment fears too it's why they understand each other so well. But, it's more of her being scared that Barney might just be the guy she can never run from, at least not forever. They are always around each other so of course it's not easy checking your feelings at the MacLaren's bar door. "And, that's why you chose Kevin that night after we slept together."

"All I knew was that I still wanted to be with you that night after we cheated on Nora and Kevin. I was just so confused and Kevin was there being so sweet and sincere I wasn't sure if you loved me or wanted me enough to be with me again that's why I chose Kevin." I didn't know if Barney was serious about us, about being together so I chose the easy way out of the mess I got myself into and chose the wrong guy when I still loved Barney.

"I understood, even though I was so mad at you for along time after that I would never stop being your friend or do what Ted did when he told you he had feelings for you." I don't have any feelings for Ted, I haven't had any feelings for him in years I'm not even sure if I really loved him. But, Barney has to know that I love him and nobody else, he's the one for me, my soulmate I was just such a mess around that time after sleeping with Barney and cheating on such a nice guy like Kevin.

"Speaking of Ted, I know he still has some kind of odd feelings for me it's why he told me he loved me but I don't love him. I didn't love him, so I turned him down thinking he would take it okay but he didn't, then I thought I was going to lose him as a friend. But, that's not why I wanted to desperately get him back as my friend. I thought after what happened between us that I would lose you too." This confession was something I've been holding back for along time. Losing Barneys friendship wasn't something she could take, the pain of the last year has been the worst times of my life and almost losing not one but two of my close friends.

"I know you don't but he's always there lingering. I know this shouldn't be asked but, do you have any feelings for Ted? I know you said yes to me but I'm always worried that he's also going to love you and sometimes want you. I just hate thinking this but it's been eating at me for a while. It's why you picked Kevin over me." This had caught me off guard a bit but questioning that I have feelings for Ted which wasn't true. I love Barney that's always been true.

Now he's sitting up and we aren't embracing as we were a minute ago looking at me with this face I hate seeing. It's his 'I'm worried and/or angry face' he usually makes this face when he's upset about something and the last thing she wants to do is upset him on the night of their engagement.

"I love you. You Barney, I chose to be with you because you have my heart. I love Ted but only as a friend, I don't love him like I love you. I love you, always had and I know I hurt you when I chose Kevin but that wasn't my reason for picking him over you. You have to believe that the only reason why I chose him was because he said nice things about me that you didn't and out of confusion and not knowing how you truly felt I chose him. But, he was the wrong guy for me. I loved you then and I wanted to be with you I was just scared you of all people should know my fears about commitment and acknowledgment. If I don't hear the words I think something else." Barney understands but I'm still not sure if he truly does. But, when he started to smile again and give me that happy puppy dog look with those bright baby blue eyes of his I knew I had to kiss him.

"I'm sorry, truly am for hurting you I didn't mean to and I didn't know how hurt you really were but now I know you were serious about us." After sex we talked again and finally after everything gets resolved between us we went out to breakfast cause it was 9am and we both were hungry.

Everything I wanted to know made me feel better about everything that had happened in the last few years between Barney and I. It was going through hell and back but I realized that I couldn't fight my feelings for Barney and now I know he always had feelings for me. He told me last night that he loved me and always did and I believed him and I truly understand him a little bit better now that everything's resolved.

This ring on my finger feels like it's too light but Barney said he will get it re-sized to fit my beautiful elegant finger the right way. After everything Barney and I went through I'm really glad I get to spend my life with him because in the end he is the only one who always puts a smile on my face, who makes me happier than I've ever been and I'm thankful for meeting him cause if it wasn't for me moving to New York I wouldn't have met the love of my life or even know what true love was if it wasn't for meeting and falling in love with one Barney Stinson.

And, now I'm walking towards my new life about to say words that I never could express before to Barney in front of my and our friends and family. I tell him that I love him but those words aren't enough about how I feel about this man I fell in love with.

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><p>AN: I think I will make this into a future married BR fic without the POV. So, let me know what you all think I should do. I have an idea for the next chapter that will deal with Robin's infertility and children in general for both her and Barney.


	2. Talking About Kids

Barney & Robin discuss children in this chapter I still don't know if they will have kids yet but there is talk about this since they're committed to each other and are planning their lives together.

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><p>January 2013!<p>

After getting engaged there was somethings that Barney and I have to clear up before planning anything for our wedding. One of the things has to be about kids, I know he doesn't want kids and I don't want kids but ever since I found out I couldn't have children I began to think maybe I do want kids and now that I have Barney back and we're committed to each other and making this relationship work we have to be honest about the things we both kept back from each other for years.

I had just realized while randomly talking about our future that Barney hasn't brought up anything about kids. But, I have to wonder if he's been thinking about it and now that he does know that I can't have biological children I still wonder if he wants kids but isn't talking to me about it. So, before we go to bed I ask out loud as he walks into the bedroom from the bathroom hoping we'll talk about this.

"So, before we discuss any wedding plans I wanted to talk to you about another thing that's been on my mind for a while." I know this is a big question to get off my chest, it's one that has been on my mind for along while ever since she found out she couldn't have kids. But, more importantly now that she's with Barney and engaged she needs to get this resolved before we can move on with wedding plans.

"Okay, what's up?" Barney looks like he has my full attention so I sigh a little and sit up on the bed facing him who is now sitting against the headboard.

"So, I know we talked about this before but it's been on my mind ever since you proposed which I'm still a little taken aback about." He gives me this 'wait, you have second thoughts' kind of look and I immediately reassure him with a hand on his leg and say no that isn't it.

"I was thinking about kids. We both know that I can't have any and when I told you, you seemed okay with it I guess that's one of the reasons you proposed." He starts to say something but I shush him down immediately then continue.

"I know I can't have kids and we discussed this before but not in a serious way. So, I just wanted to clear the air about this. I have thought that maybe we can talk about this further because I don't want us to enter into a marriage with things like this hanging over us. Now that we're engaged and planning a life together we need to clear the air of everything we kept back from each other all these years." Barney and I never talked about the things we held back from each other for the years since we broke up the last time and I want to make sure we don't have any secrets from one another so we can have a successful marriage.

"We are going to start planning our wedding this week and before we do I want to make sure you're okay with us not having children." I know he's okay with it but I need to make sure that he is for me to not worry about this in the future.

"Robin, I'm okay with not having kids and I did not propose to you because you can't have kids." He stops me from talking further by taking my hand in his, kisses it lightly and then put it down on his lap and smiled lightly. "I love you no matter what I don't need kids to be happy or fulfilled. You are the only person in my life I need that's why I want to be with you." I smile through the tears that suddenly escaped my eyes and brushed them away.

"Are you sure?" I had to ask again cause I don't want to think that I'm not enough to make his life completed the way a woman should with a husband and a commitment.

"Yes. When you first told me that you couldn't have kids I was shocked at first that's why I hugged you but after I knew that you are the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. Not because you can bare my children but because I said to myself that night that I care. I care about you so much and I want to see you happy, when you cried on my shoulder that night and told me about the little family of ours you dreamt up in your head. I knew then, even before that that I can never let someone else have you because I knew that I still loved and cared about you." Barney pauses and I can see a tear escape the corner of his right eye.

After finding out that he was maybe going to be a father he had become really excited about it. Not only would this bring Robin back to him but he's always wanted someone to teach how to live, dress like him, act like him and that little person was his way of maybe getting Robin back for good so after this time Barney had thought about these things. The what if? That were never answered.

Things like how is he going to be a father?

How will he and Robin be as parents?

Will they mess up this kids?

Will this kid bring them closer?

But after sometime, after sometime had past he had wipped all possibilites away from his mind after they found out that they were not pregnant. But, he still remembered wanting to be a father at that time.

"But, then after that night. After we talked to dawn the next morning I couldn't sleep that whole next day. When you told me you couldn't have kids I wasn't okay. Not only did you tell me that but you told me about imagining our kids. Our family, a family with a girl who looks just like you and a suited up boy but before you told me that I also remembered my own fantasy when you told me you thought you were pregnant a couple of years ago. I also imagined a family with you but with one child and a dog in a new apartment somewhere in the city." I had no idea that Barney thought about this too, not being able to give him a family nearly killed me that time I thought we were going to have a baby but to know he was thinking and imagining a family, not only a family but he pictured our family just like I did I can't believe he had pictured this, this confession had me in tears for a good 10 minutes with him holding me as I sobbed into his white shirt.

After a while my sobbing quieted down and we just finished talking about this issue of having a family and by the end we decided to first start planning our wedding and then maybe go through surrogacy to try to have a kid.

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><p>AN: Next chapter will include wedding plans and the gang finding out that B/R might be having a baby. I'm not sure if they should have a surrogate or adopt but this will also be quite a struggled it won't be easy with Robin working full time and it will put stress on their relationship before they even get married.


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